The Notes of My Reflection.

It can only hurt till the nerves are severed. I learned this through life experiences and bike accidents. So the year is to finish in a few weeks and it is time to reveal what stands behind this blog turned to book. It's time to reveal who "she" is in each story. A time of reflection has gone on in my life and I have felt the healing in the past few months of a death that has made a tremendous mark on me and that has changed the person I was two tears ago to the person I am now. This excerpt will be the last of Dead Battery. There will be a new blog to start with a completely different feel.

So this blog started out just as a story. But it turned out to be the healing within me. I have turned this blog into a book with the photos attached. My eyes have been open and some parts of me that turned black and died when my mother passed have been reawaken. This is highly personal to share but if you have read this blog then you deserve some answers. I am the person who stands behind the "she" in Dead Battery. There are a few excerpts that revolve around some very close friends whose names I will not reveal but most of the blog is about me and the pain that I have felt and the pain that others have given me through out time.

I may sound like a very sad person but in reality I am not. To write these stories I had to reach into a very dark place inside me. We all have that spot but we use it differently. I have used it to compose stories to help you visual and see the stories as they unveil. I have been writing this blog for over a year now starting with a photo I took the week my mother passed. That was the day the sun went out and when friends scattered because they didn't know how to deal with me during this time. That is fine because it has helped me help myself. I have come so far and I have had battles through out my life. But that was one of the biggest to overcome. I am not fully over it and I will never be but at least now I feel like I can breathe and conquer some anxieties that have developed over the years.

I am looking forward and not to the past for answers at this point. I am going to be in this city for another year or so and I am tired of hating it here. I have made this place into a torture chamber for myself with the help of some others but that is to change. There was a point when I was all over the place and out all the time but when the "sun" went out it made me take a cold hard look at people here and my friends and you don't see me all over the place anymore because there are certain things I wish not to be involved in. I am not passing judgements on others. To each his own. I just rather be involved with and around more positive things and people. I have learned that others will keep you down to make themselves and their lives feel more fulfilled and thats fine for them but not me. I tend to ramble when I write so deal with it.

What I am trying to do with myself is create a healthy pattern of events and things and if you are awesome then you will be a part of my life and if not see ya later I don't have the time for that shit. I think I was getting a clue from someone above. Maybe my mom or dad but the picture is now clear and this is def not a place for me. I am not saying everyone is the worst there but still not my element or class of people I really chose to be around. I can't rationalize being around there anymore. When people tend to stomp on you they stomp so hard that you either give in and become as them or you still remain and leave with your held high because you haven't succomb to their tortures. I win in the end run because I am coming out stronger and I will be working with kids and that makes me very happy and nervous at the same time. I will still be working in the bar on the weekends but it will not be permeant.

I am starting a new life in the next year and it will be filled with the printing of my book, a new job as a nanny, trips out of this city, getting together grants for school, and starting a new adventure in the fall. I will be finishing up school. Then who knows from there. I am looking forward to 2011. I am leaving the crap in 2010 and having bright eyes for what is to come next in my life. I know I am not going to be happy all the time and that comes with life and its awesome to know that I can finally deal with that. No one can fully understand with the exception of a few the struggles I have been through and that writing this and ending this blog on a happy note is a huge acheivement for me. And to you all, you know who you are; I like to say thank you for the support and positivity. I know I did a lot of this myself but you have had a good hand on me moving forward in my life.

I am no longer a dead battery and I finally see how strong I actually am. I am turning into one of the strongest people I know and I love it. I am signing off from here. Thank you for reading. Now stop being sooo fucking nosy and go do something. Stop sitting around waiting for life to happen and just make it yours.

One last thing.... SUCK IT!!!!

xoxo,

Liz